haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
