I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
