You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
