I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
