I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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