I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
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