Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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