Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
