I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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