we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
