But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
