So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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