so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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