two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize