Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
