I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
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