After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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