I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
