you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
