please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
