thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Do you still have your period?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
