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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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