erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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