the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
