i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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