Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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