Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
