and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
