Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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