New invention idea: vibrating tampons
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
