Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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