well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
