8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I checked into jail on foursquare
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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