The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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