The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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