when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
