Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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