genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
