just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
