threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
