And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm just crazy horny about you
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
