Define "chronic" masturbator.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
