someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
