dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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