My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
