he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
