I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
