I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
