Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
