I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
