thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need water and some morals
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
