If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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