Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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