found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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